Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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