you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
