final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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