Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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