There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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