last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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