And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
