I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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