I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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