Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
