I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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