My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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