some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
