Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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