have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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