I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
