We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
