Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
