i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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