Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
home. puking in laundry basket.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
