East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.