My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We were destined to go to rehab together
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina