I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story