I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
