I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
