i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize