I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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