3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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