The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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