so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
