Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm both gender and math confused
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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