I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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