I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
