What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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