He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
