I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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