I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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