yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
