i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
