Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
