So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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