I wish I could punch you in the face.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
