Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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