I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
