Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
