Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think I sprained my soul last night
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
