You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
