I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
