Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
two words: eviction party
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
