were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
