no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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