Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
