Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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