I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
