what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
