I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
