goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
