Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
