that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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