I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize