He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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