Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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