I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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