On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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