I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
