Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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