she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
