The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
